I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
PANTIES FOUND
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
