I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
