i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
