Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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