Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
