This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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