between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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