well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
