I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The air was thick with penises
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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