that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
