i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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