I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
