you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
