he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
the liver wants what the liver wants
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
