who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
