is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
