You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
