I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
