Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
