I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
