It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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