I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize
