you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
