My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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