Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
