Cold hands, warm shart.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize