i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
