butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
