Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
