My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
