evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
