how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
