I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
