And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
