you guys were way drunker than both of me
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
