okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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