if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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