Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
