Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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