I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize