if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
