i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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