I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
