I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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