I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
