i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
