so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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