i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
