You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
