It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
