Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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