Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
