I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
