I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am available for nakedness
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
