the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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