That's intense
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
