are you still at the devil's house?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
