Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
