walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
