So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
