He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
