honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
