I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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