the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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