ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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