My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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