apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
