I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
