By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
