My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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