He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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