Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
