Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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