dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
