hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
